Complilation #2

Since I enjoyed the last one and the whining that followed I thought I would follow up with more. Enjoy:

"The Canada trip was fun, but man, those guys are wierd. I only heard 'Eh' once. That was kinda disappointing but the sinks in the 'washrooms' said Cranada on them."

"I got glasses, and they suck. It's like living through a magnifying glass. Lame. For the price of uglyness I get eyesight, which I really wasn't missing all that much in the first place."

"My Dad just told me I should become a stripper. I don't know what to do with that. Well, besides puke."

"I've hit rock bottom. I'll never climb Mt. Raineer. The closest I'll get to class 5 rapids will be when I fall in the bathtub, and I'll probably have shampoo in my eyes anyway. I'll never surf, unless it's possible to catch your own wave when you jump in the pool. When my kid is trapped in New York and we're at the edge of an ice age it'll be, "Good luck son. I'll see if I can get a chopper out there when the storm clears." I won't be the hero who shows up just as the last book goes into the fire and the remaining suvivers are inches from death. I'll be watching everything unfold on the news with my extra 30 pounds to keep me company."

"For best taste I have to finish this can by January 17th, 2005. Something tells me I've got that covered. I wonder, though, can I really leave this on my desk for 7 months and still enjoy it's best taste when I finish it Christmas morning?"

I have figured out the root of my girl problems. Apparently I haven't been eating enough Monterey Jack Cheese Quesedias. Thus not sparking the 'Monterey Match Up.'"

"There's nothing I hate more then starting the day out with a cold shower. What's worse is when you find out it's cold somewhere between lather and rinse, repeat if desired."

"Turns out it wasn't a power outage, just my brother blowing a circuit. He wanted to find out what would happen if he put a combination of plastic and metal in a socket. I guess he found out it's not much different then when you put a key in the socket, a lesson he learned at four. I think after ten years those lessons pretty much expire."

"I've discovered that at night people think my Jimmy is a cop car. The confusion mostly comes from the fact that the car is green, and a ski rack can easily be mistaken for the lights. This discovery has brought me great joy. You guys don't know how much fun it is to sit on the side of the road with the parking lights on and watch people slam the breaks as they pass by. Tonight, upon the discovery that I was five minutes early for drum lessons, I pulled off to watch traffic. I got three cars to creep past at the dreary 25, realize I'm an impostor and speed off. Now that's entertainment."

"Did anyone catch tonight's sunset? It was breathtaking. Unfortunately the sunset didn't know CPR, and no one else was around to help. I almost died. It was scary."

"Ingaged in conversation about nothing, I casually picked up my coffee mug. It met my lips, and I gave it a gulp. Of course I completly forgot that the waiter had just walked away, and the coffee in my hand was no longer it's gulpable, bottom of the cup self. But rather it's less sweet burnable counterpart. So here I am. With white tastebuds."

"You know how you get spam from random names. Ever have those random names be someone you know? Anyway mine was from Jamie Pennington. And of course it was about Penile enlargement so I know it's not actually from her."

"Don't you think that after the third weekend people would start to notice that Bernie is dead. I mean, don't people start to smell after three weeks? Wouldn't Bernie get pale? And hello, the guy never talks! He either just stands there between his two friends who talk for him, or he's dancing. Stupid Voodoo. And by golly, I don't think I would want a dead body strapped to my side. That's not really my idea of a great time, wouldn't he get heavy? And the guy never changes his clothes, it's always that blue blouse."