Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Monday, June 19, 2006
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Everytime I come across this passage I am left pondering my place among the sheep and goats. Am I a sheep because I happily empty my pocket or hand away my to go box to each reaching hand in the street? Or am I a goat because I never actually feed those who are hungry? I walk away as soon as the hand off is made. I assume that my buck thirty eight will enter a cup that will accumulate enough change for a Big Mac. I assume that my smile and eye contact is pleasing enough. I assume I have done my job. Is this enough to please Jesus? And of course, I can't invite strangers into my suburban home because it isn't exactly mine and they never enter my suburban land. I donate my clothes to salvation army. Is that enough to please Jesus? Or does it even matter considering that I shop at Goodwill myself?
I also have to ask, who is Jesus refering to when he says, "these brothers of mine?" Does he limit charity to only Christians, or is 'a brother of mine' simply a human? Are the goats suprised because their charity doesn't count or because they never came across a hungry Jesus?
The next passage that haunts my sleepless nights is Mathew 26:24-25. It reads, "Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it...' " I try to lose my life, but I often find myself trying to save it like the drowning child who grasps desperately at thin air looking for an arm to pull him up. Is this really losing my life or is it searching for a comprimise as if to say, "Here you go God, I'll give you my life, but these are my terms."
Jesus died on His cross. How can I die on mine? I often wonder, how big is the cross? How much must I endure in order to consider my life lost. Jesus defeated death with his resurection. No task I can accomplish. It is Him who lifts me up as I try to subject myself to His will.
"But who ever loses his life for me will find it."
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Monday, June 12, 2006
My specialty is finding a spot near the back, just close enough to take in the whole room. But not too close as if taking up the whole room. I'll lean back in my chair and inhale the laughter. Possibly even throw out a punch line, usually ignored, if I know most everyone. Which I do.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Thursday, June 08, 2006
They say life begins at thirty, or forty, or some middle aged moment when one stumbles across some sort of epiphany. That awe inspiring moment when you finally get it. "It" of course being so ambiguous that there really isn't much room for error. They say that your twenties are spent figuring out who you really are. Awkwardly walking through the daily routine hoping for discovery. Sipping on coffee cups or puffing at cigarettes, enjoying moments of depression and loneliness with pen in hand. Our whole life is in front of us and we stall. We haven't figured it out yet. We don't get it, and we won't for another ten or twenty years. That's what they tell us.
Is it possible they could be wrong? Do we delay the epiphany? Are we afraid of it? I am convinced I won't have to spend a decade staring at my watch before tasting whatever this life thing is. I am convinced that life has already begun. Life began at four when I bought my first popsicle and tried as hard as could not to bite at that melting hunk of ice. Life began the first time I held hands with a girl and she didn't pull away exclaiming, "This game is stupid, Miss Weaks, boys are gross!" This being no insult considering girls were equally disgusting. Life begins everyday, even if it begins with that annoying alarm clock buzzer. Life begins with the windows down on the freeway. Life begins when someone sneaks up behind you and you are forced swallow your heart and scream like a school girl. Life begins at birth, or conception, or somewhere in between depending on where you stand in the whole life/choice debate. Life begins when you can finally take off your shoes, wear your flip flops out at night, lose your breath laughing, or crunch leaves as you walk. Ladies and gentlemen, life has already begun. Why are we stalling?