There is something magical that happens when men pile into a car, fill it's tank, remove it's air freshener, and hit the road. With inhibitions on hold they cannot miss adventure. Led by the anticipation of what will be found on the other end of the speed zone they open up their senses and absorb the sights and smells that pass them by. The doors fly open at every bathroom break and the men scatter, only to find each other again at the most intriguing discovery. The bridge used to conceal urination becomes the gateway to the convergence of two creaks. It is nature's playgroundand it istheirs for the taking.It isn't long before the rocks take flight and one must dodge the descending water. Shoes become optional. One can challenge the force of the rushing water from within or hurl their body from rock to rock above. Soon they find themselves alone. It is a moment to reflect, a moment to snap pictures, a moment to stand back and inhale the surroundings. It is during this moment that one can ponder the reality of the world and one's place among creation. it is during this moment that one is humbled by a leaf and the willingness to open them self up to what it can teach. It is during this moment that one must let the leaf go and watch it swim off slowly alongside others only to lose it downstream.
I have this ability, its more of a gift really, I can take any moment that has any shred of romance and make it about as awkward as possible. One would think that I could just sit back and enjoy the moment, but I can't. I don't know how. I'm always worried about ruining it by stumbling accross that perfect mistake. The one that steals the moment and leaves you as helpless as a blind man playing hide and seek. My first kiss was a flash of beauty. It was the memorable occurance that can only be stumbled upon and is never intentional. At least it should have been. It's the end of an outstanding date, were saying good bye and there's that pause. It's the pause where both of you know what is about to happen and all it takes is the initative. So there I am, about to lean into my first kiss, only I freeze up. I'm afraid to make that step. She's waiting patiently and I don't know what to do. The nostalgia boils into a blundering moment of unmanageable embarrassment. Finally she gives me this look, its the "What are you waiting for you big goof?" look. This of course raises the awkward intensity level to eleven. I have to do something to stop the bleeding. So with a hurried effort I announce, "That's it! I'm going for it." And I lean in. i thought it was a good line at the time. I thought it was the kind of line that Hollywood would admire. Now, everytime I look back on it, I blush. It is because of this haunting moment that I must sabotage every endearing moment I am a part of. (It happens) I don't know what to do with romance anymore. So instead I play the comedian and intentionally make things akward. Everyone knows its better to mess up on purpose then to do so accidently.
"A poet has written, 'The desire to feel loved is the last illusion: let it go and you will be free." Just as the sunrise of faith requires the sunset of our former unbeleif, so the dawn of trust requires letting go of our craving spiritual consolations and tangible reassurances. Trust at the mercy of the response it recieves is a bogus trust. All is uncertainty and anxiety. In trembling insecurity the disciple pleads for proofs from the Lord that her affection is returned. If she does not receive them, shi is frustrated and starts to suspect that her relationship with Jesus is over or that it never existed. If she does receive consolation, she is reassured, but only for a time. She presses for further proofs--each one less convincing than the one that went before. In the end the need to trust dies of pure frustration. What the disciple has not learned is that tangible reassurances, however valuable they may be, cannot create trust, sustain it, or guarantee any certainty of its presence. Jesus calls us to hand over our autonoous self in unshaken confidence. When the craving for reassurances is stifled, trust happens."
Brennan Manning The Raggamuffin Gospel
"But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away..." JN16.7
Since I enjoyed the last one and the whining that followed I thought I would follow up with more. Enjoy:
"The Canada trip was fun, but man, those guys are wierd. I only heard 'Eh' once. That was kinda disappointing but the sinks in the 'washrooms' said Cranada on them."
"I got glasses, and they suck. It's like living through a magnifying glass. Lame. For the price of uglyness I get eyesight, which I really wasn't missing all that much in the first place."
"My Dad just told me I should become a stripper. I don't know what to do with that. Well, besides puke."
"I've hit rock bottom. I'll never climb Mt. Raineer. The closest I'll get to class 5 rapids will be when I fall in the bathtub, and I'll probably have shampoo in my eyes anyway. I'll never surf, unless it's possible to catch your own wave when you jump in the pool. When my kid is trapped in New York and we're at the edge of an ice age it'll be, "Good luck son. I'll see if I can get a chopper out there when the storm clears." I won't be the hero who shows up just as the last book goes into the fire and the remaining suvivers are inches from death. I'll be watching everything unfold on the news with my extra 30 pounds to keep me company."
"For best taste I have to finish this can by January 17th, 2005. Something tells me I've got that covered. I wonder, though, can I really leave this on my desk for 7 months and still enjoy it's best taste when I finish it Christmas morning?"
I have figured out the root of my girl problems. Apparently I haven't been eating enough Monterey Jack Cheese Quesedias. Thus not sparking the 'Monterey Match Up.'"
"There's nothing I hate more then starting the day out with a cold shower. What's worse is when you find out it's cold somewhere between lather and rinse, repeat if desired."
"Turns out it wasn't a power outage, just my brother blowing a circuit. He wanted to find out what would happen if he put a combination of plastic and metal in a socket. I guess he found out it's not much different then when you put a key in the socket, a lesson he learned at four. I think after ten years those lessons pretty much expire."
"I've discovered that at night people think my Jimmy is a cop car. The confusion mostly comes from the fact that the car is green, and a ski rack can easily be mistaken for the lights. This discovery has brought me great joy. You guys don't know how much fun it is to sit on the side of the road with the parking lights on and watch people slam the breaks as they pass by. Tonight, upon the discovery that I was five minutes early for drum lessons, I pulled off to watch traffic. I got three cars to creep past at the dreary 25, realize I'm an impostor and speed off. Now that's entertainment."
"Did anyone catch tonight's sunset? It was breathtaking. Unfortunately the sunset didn't know CPR, and no one else was around to help. I almost died. It was scary."
"Ingaged in conversation about nothing, I casually picked up my coffee mug. It met my lips, and I gave it a gulp. Of course I completly forgot that the waiter had just walked away, and the coffee in my hand was no longer it's gulpable, bottom of the cup self. But rather it's less sweet burnable counterpart. So here I am. With white tastebuds."
"You know how you get spam from random names. Ever have those random names be someone you know? Anyway mine was from Jamie Pennington. And of course it was about Penile enlargement so I know it's not actually from her."
"Don't you think that after the third weekend people would start to notice that Bernie is dead. I mean, don't people start to smell after three weeks? Wouldn't Bernie get pale? And hello, the guy never talks! He either just stands there between his two friends who talk for him, or he's dancing. Stupid Voodoo. And by golly, I don't think I would want a dead body strapped to my side. That's not really my idea of a great time, wouldn't he get heavy? And the guy never changes his clothes, it's always that blue blouse."
In one of boredom's most inspiring moments (what I like to call 'no homework, no happenings') I decided to cruise an old blog to discover some of my most humbling moments. But hey, the internet is for embarrasment right? Enjoy the random quotes, I'll probably do this again considering that homework and writer's bloclk inhibit any posts of value/insight.
"My dog is laying in the pile of socks that's been growing on my floor. Yesterday he learned where dogs go when they die. I don't think he's too happy about that one. Where do dog's go again Sobe? That's right, compost pile. Why is that Sobe? Becuase they don't have a soul. Good dog. Here's a treat."
"I could use some cheese in a can. Minus the diarria."
"Yesterday was a good day. Long but good. I ran all the errands I've needed to run, except for the change the oil and the get new tires for the Jimmy part. As well as being the horse I rode for all my errands the Jimmy celebrated 100,000 miles. We took pictures. Threw a party. That young buck deserves it. I know one of these days when I run out of the saloon all shot up I can just hop on the hood and say, "Home Jimmy, home." and he'll carry me away to safety."
"We all get busy, grow up, get stuck in traffic. We run out of reasons to pout. We stop the pity parties. We grin at the girls and we don't care when they don't grin back. We grow our hair out into ridiculous arrangements and skip the daily hair fix. We pump gas, shiver, watch our breath and remember when ten dollars bought thirteen gallons. We wake up before the alarm and still manage to skip breakfast. We actually do our homework, and we study for tests. We smile, we laugh, and we can't wait for baseball."
"Has anyone else noticed that the bad drivers have marked thier cars with yellow ribbons?"