Idealized Blundering

I have this ability, its more of a gift really, I can take any moment that has any shred of romance and make it about as awkward as possible. One would think that I could just sit back and enjoy the moment, but I can't. I don't know how. I'm always worried about ruining it by stumbling accross that perfect mistake. The one that steals the moment and leaves you as helpless as a blind man playing hide and seek. My first kiss was a flash of beauty. It was the memorable occurance that can only be stumbled upon and is never intentional. At least it should have been. It's the end of an outstanding date, were saying good bye and there's that pause. It's the pause where both of you know what is about to happen and all it takes is the initative. So there I am, about to lean into my first kiss, only I freeze up. I'm afraid to make that step. She's waiting patiently and I don't know what to do. The nostalgia boils into a blundering moment of unmanageable embarrassment. Finally she gives me this look, its the "What are you waiting for you big goof?" look. This of course raises the awkward intensity level to eleven. I have to do something to stop the bleeding. So with a hurried effort I announce, "That's it! I'm going for it." And I lean in. i thought it was a good line at the time. I thought it was the kind of line that Hollywood would admire. Now, everytime I look back on it, I blush. It is because of this haunting moment that I must sabotage every endearing moment I am a part of. (It happens) I don't know what to do with romance anymore. So instead I play the comedian and intentionally make things akward. Everyone knows its better to mess up on purpose then to do so accidently.